Crutches can be amazing. However, at the same time, they can make the most normal people annoying as fuck.

So, I will have to start out my first blog with a bit of backstory. I was in a car accident in November of 2008, and am currently on crutches for my broken ankle, or whatever the hell they call that bone that I broke. I have been on crutches for about 2 months now, and in that time, have learned a lot about society. Who would have thought that I might have created a great sociological experiment by simply turning my car on its side?

Now, one of the things that I have noticed is that people in general are much nicer to me. I would even go so far as to say that some of them are being "friendly". Now, I know you don't hear that word much anymore, but dictionary.com should help you out with the definition. People hold doors open for me. At first, I would just stand there awkwardly and annoyed wondering what was taking these fucking people so goddamn long to get in the door. But then, I realized, they were waiting for me. I had to go to Martin's a couple of weeks ago, and had a cart. After I had unloaded the cart, some random guy came up and took it back for me. You know how much I actually hate taking those fucking carts back? To me, that is one of the most annoying things to ever do, because I always forget to park next to one of those goddamn corrals. He could have offered me a bottle of pain killers and I couldn't have been happier. One final thing is that random people will just start having a conversation with you because they were once on crutches at well. Seems to give them a feeling of camaraderie. I don't personally get it myself, but to each his own.

While I have made crutches sound like something you would like to do if you did not have to almost fucking kill yourself to use, it's not like that feeling you get when you find $20 in your pocket. No no no.....

I have never been one to care to hear a life story from a person I will most likely NEVER FUCKING SEE AGAIN. For fucks' sake people, just because you had crutches once does not make us friends. We don't have some kind of fucking cosmic connection, we are not star crossed fucking lovers either. If one more person I don't know randomly touches me, I'm going to cram the end of one of those endearing crutches right up their fucking nose. Take for example, earlier this week I went to a local bar to watch a couple of friends of mine perform at open mic night. I am sitting at a table, enjoying my beer and smoking a cigarette, when this harpy comes and puts her arm around me so she can talk into my ear since someone is performing. You know, since I was there to watch music. But I digress.

"How ya doing hunny? Isn't it fun being a cripple?"

"Are you fucking serious?"

"Hehehehehe! I was once on those things too! Isn't that funny?"

"Not really, since the reason I'm on these things HURT."

"You get used to it though! You know what I mean, it's so funny the people you'll see when you go out sometimes, ya know?"

"Actually, yes....yes I do."

WHAT THE FUCK WAS THAT SHIT?!? What in the fuck would make that old woman think I wanted to talk to her in the first place? CRIPPLE? I wanted to use one of those fucking crutches and send that twat flying down the fucking stairs. Also, as a side note, she spit in my fucking ear when she was talking to me. Doesn't that sound absolutely fucking disgusting? Imagine how it felt.

If you have ever had crutches, you know what I'm talking about. Hopefully it didn't get your ear spit in by some woman who is 20 years too old to be trying to pass herself off as a Cougar. But all in all, it could be a lot worse I guess. At least I'm not in a wheelchair.